Have you played Dead Space?

Have any of you played Dead Space? Holy crap man, It’s awesome! The basic premise of the game is that you’re stuck on a spaceship filled with killer, um …. things, called necromorphs. And all they want to do is kill people.

Learn more about why Dead Space is really better than you, by clicking on “Read the rest of this entry”!

It’s a necromorph and it thinks your brains are delicious.

The Cast

Look at our hero, Isaac. He has a really cool suit which has various lights on it. So he sticks out like a cool person amongst a shitload of killer things. Your job is to get off the ship. Extra achievement points if Isaac still has most of his appendages. There are 2 other people on the ship with Isaac. There’s a woman called Kendra and another African-American guy called Zach. He’ll probably die before the end. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no racist. It’s just that I’ve seen enough movies and played enough games to know that the black dude dies first. Tell me if I’m wrong.

Isaac, Kendra and Token Black Guy.

Me and Waisybabu at the Game

Me and Waisybabu took turns playing the game. Before Dead Space, I didn’t think it was possible to be scared of anything other than little white girls.

We screamed and cried a lot; and this was when we were playing in complete daylight surrounded by people (who were not necromorphs). At night, a person could turn off the lights, turn up the volume, and easily shit their pants.

It’s terrifying enough wandering through the blood splattered and corpse littered corridors. I don’t need something coming at me from the vents while I’m exploring the toilets. It’s not good for my health. Even when you’re alone, you can still hear the necromorphs having hushed conversations on how best to kill you.

Isaac's Level 6 suit is (still) better than your kurta.

Most gaming sessions involved Waisybabu hunched in front of the TV; his hands shaking so much it looked like the controller was stuck in rumble mode. Meanwhile I assumed a fetal position and hid in a corner with my favorite blanket. A lot of yelling and cursing was a customary part of these sessions. Here is a typical example:

Me : (clutching blanket tightly) Don’t go in there.

Waisybabu : I don’t want to…But the magic ground light says I have to.

(Duckzilla starts sobbing. Isaac opens the door. One of the four legged abominations speeds up to our hero)

Me : OH MY GAAAWWWWWD!! SHOOT IT. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT’S HOLY! SHOOT IT YOU !@#$. USE THE @#$%&*& STATIS CHARGES.

Waisybabu : SHUT UP SHUT UP. OH MY GAAWWWWD!!! I’M OUT OF STATIS CHARGES!!

(Isaac shoots wildly, missing all of the creatures limbs by a margin of several feet)

Me : YOU $@$%ING RETARD. HACK ITS #$%^#ING ARM OFF!!! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP!

Waisybabu : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHH! (Panics and throws the controller in my direction. I drop it like it’s hot. Isaac has now been converted into 4 smaller parts at the hands of the agent of darkness.)

Whenever a moth or lizard attacks me, I instinctively reach for stasis charges to throw at it. I wish I had stasis charges .

And we haven’t even finished it yet!

Obviously, we haven’t finished the game yet. It’s sort of impossible when neither of us is willing to move where the light orders us to.

I’ve seen enough of the game to hate the woman though. Every so often, she comes up on the screen and tells Isaac to go somewhere and fix something or go somewhere else and kill something. What the eff? Do you want me to get you some coffee while I’m killing the giant thing on the hull doors? Bitch.

Let me open the doors, you moron. Someone farted in here.

I’m roaming around a ship filled up to the wazoo with death and Kendra just sits in the control room using Facebook? I hate her so much.

Lucky for her, I didn’t get too far along in the game to meet her face to face. I put away a special portion of ammo for every weapon just for her.

Final Comments

Basically what I’m trying to say here is that the game is awesome. If you have a PS3 or Xbox or a decent computer, you have to play it (I’m looking at you, Atif). If you’ve already played it, go play it in the dark with the sound up, you pansy.

Also tell me what you thought of it. I want to finish the game but unfortunately, our only Xbox just went E74 (read: died). I’d appreciate it if someone could tell me what the heck happened. I fear for Isaac’s life. And someone please tell me that Kendra is dead.

Duckzilla

*geek-gasms*

E3 aka Electronic Entertainment Expo is held every year in July and is THE biggest source of innovation and information that comes from the gaming giants: Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo.

This year in 2009 was especially important for all three companies as this was the final geek-gasm causing event of this generation of consoles. After this year, it’s all going downfill.

Pessism. Heh, what a lame.

As of writing time, it has been *looks at watch* 30 minutes since Microsoft ended their conference and WOW! It has been an absolute blast! So many new games, new features, new ways to play games. It has left me flabbergasted and wanting for more. This conference has revitalized my wish of getting A. My Xbox fixed before the avalanche of games this November or B. Getting a new Xbox or C. Asking my mamoo get the hottest among those games.

Read what Microsoft did to blow everyone away, after the jump.

[nutshell]I present to you the most significant news from Microsoft’s Conference:

Modern Warfare 2 is coming to the Xbox 360 on 10th November and will have time-exclusive map packs for the Xbox 360.

EPIC Games have come up with their first Xbox Live Arcade title: Shadow Complex which is a 2D side-scroller action game. Lots of heavy action, big guns and even bigger boss battles.

Joy Ride will be a free-to-play Mario Kart-ish game with great air-jumps, avatar-support and multiplayer support. Looks fun!

Final Fantasy XIII will hit Xbox 360 (and PS3) in Spring of 2010.

The pseudo-sequel to the Max-Payne series, Alan Wake is an Xbox 360 exclusive! It’s looking great and with sandbox-style gameplay, I’ll be having geek-gasms till it releases in Spring 2010.

Crackdown 2 is coming! It’s the sweet concoction of super-heroes and Grand Theft Auto!

Left 4 Dead 2 will come on 17th November (that’s my Birthday!) exclusively to the Xbox 360 and PC. Quite early!

Halo 3: ODST on 22nd September. Big woop. Another Halo game.

The next in the stealth-based Spinter Cell series: Conviction is also an Xbox 360 exclusive. It will be darker, moodier, sandbox-style with a lot of bad-ass close quarters action, coming your way this Fall.

Metal Gear Solid Rising. Wow just wow! Hideo Kojima himself came to the stage to announce this bad-boy. It will feature Raiden. The old “Tactical Espionage Action” tagline is now “Lighting Bolt Action”. Expect Raiden May Cry. No Solid Snake. Is this MGS2 all-over again (with respect to the Raiden-only 2nd chapter controversy)?

And lastly, Microsoft’s magnum opus Codename: Project Natal. Natal is allegedly the next Motion-Control system, an evolution of the Wii system as some like to call it. A camera will be fixed next to your screen and it will take notice of full BODY motion control. This thing will make your body a controller and break most, if not all barriers that stop us from fully immersing ourselves with the world inside the game. It can detect your emotions, your face, your skateboard, your mama and of course your actions. In other words children, you will be dry humping the air when you have sexual intercourse with your pixelated wife in Fable III.

Remember, it’s not about reinventing the wheel, it’s about no wheel at all!  - Steven Speilberg at the Microsoft Press Conference.

Besides that, you will soon be able to view streaming movies, TV shows in Full High Definition from your Xbox. Facebook and Twitter will be accessable from the Box with an X AND last.fm is also coming. All of which make your Xbox an even more versatile media centre.

[/nutshell]

What did you think of Microsoft’s epic conference? Will Sony and Nintendo be able to beat Microsoft? Only time tell. And only YOU can speculate. Leave your comments below!

Geek-sperm all over the laptop,

Awais

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Visit Sarcastic Gamer for more information regarding Microsoft’s conference and E3 as a whole. Or go to GameTrailers for the videos.