Short films… well, tend to be short. But they make up for their shortness by being more what one might call: punchy. Featured below is a short film by Saad Altaf and Usman Ahmed (concept by Saad Altaf) which presents, to the viewer, the effect of telecommunication advances in the country. Sure, what you’re about to watch in the film isn’t something you get to see daily, but the premise here is metaphorical. And quite moving!

‘Missed Call’ – a must watch!

If you liked it, it would be awesome if you could leave a comment and share the post! Thanks!

Yesterday, a friend of Omer’s came over to our place. Omer’s my little brother by the way. And let’s just call his friend: Bilal. The two did their usual stuff. Bilal stayed over for the night… doing what they call a ‘sleep over’.

The two decided to watch 3 Idiots, the movie that is currently sweeping the entire subcontinent.

Now, 3 Idiots is a great; nay, a phenomenal movie! It has a message for the youth and it delivers the message really well. And it’s a family movie too! Or at least, it would’ve been had it not been for that god-awful childbirth scene. You knowwww, the scene that raises many a pre-adolescent eye-brows? Yeah, that one!

And here’s the thing: I caught Omer and Bilal just when the child-birth scene was kicking in. ZING!

I’ll be honest here: I let the two watch 3 Idiots just so I could catch them when the child-birth scene came on. I wanted to take revenge after all. A revenge that goes back 7 years. Read on ahead.

Jumpy Mammaries

A certain eldest cousin of mine caught me watching the sleazy intro of a female wrestler (back in the days when it was called WWF). I kept replaying the intro because it was something very new for me. It’s not every day that you, as a 10-year old, get to watch watch jumpy mammaries.

I was 10. Eldest-cousin was 17.

“Hawwwww! Why are you looking at that? (points to jumpy mammaries)”

(shrugs) “Uhhhh… I didn’t do dat”

“Then why are you all sweaty?”

It was winter season btw.

“Garmi hai…?”

“YOU A LIE!”

And so my fate was sealed. Now I either had to obey his orders or risk him telling my mother about me being all kinky-eyed at the jumpy mammaries. :O

Eldest-cousin made me massage his arms, legs and head for a solid 10 minutes in exchange for not telling Mama. Not a very fond memory, mind you.

And it was on that day that I decided I would take revenge one day.

Revenge!!

So yes, back to the Omer and Bilal scene.

I was climbing up the stairs when I heard the characteristic “Ahh! Ahhh! Priya zor lagao! Push push!” sounds that accompany child-birth. They probably heard me coming upstairs. So here’s what they did: Bilal pauses the movie. Omer runs to the bathroom. Locks the door. Bilal comes running towards the stairs and blocks the doorway.

Not today children, not today. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I Dunno

Awais: “What were you two doing?”

Bilal: “Nothing…?”

Awais: “Then why did you try not letting me enter the room?”

Bilal: “(weak laughter) Haha lol mein to mazaak kar raha tha!”

Awais: “What’s that on the screen?”

As luck had it, the movie was paused at that precise moment when the baby comes out of the vajayjay.

Bilal: “I dunno”

Awais: “Then why did you come running to shut the door?”

Bilal: “I dunno”

Awais: “But you said you were joking”

Bilal: “I was joking.”

Awais: “Then why did you say you ‘dunno’?”

Bilal: “…..”

Awais: “Where is Omer? And what is he doing hiding in the toilet? … Come outside Omer!”

(Omer slowly opens the lock. Opens the door and comes out with a sheepish smile.

Omer: “Kia hua hai?”

Awais: “What were you doing in the bathroom?”

Omer: “I dunno”

You can clearly see a pattern here. They were acting like they didn’t know anything. It wasn’t going to work, considering how I had caught them red-handed.

Anyway, once the two knew that their goose was cooked, they admitted to the crime. Here’s what Bilal said:

“Yes. We were watching it. But we don’t even know what was happening! Bas ek moti see lardki thee, us kay paet mein say baby nikal raha tha. Aur wo ajeeb ajeeb see awazein nikal rahee thee! Mein nay ankhein bhee bund kee theeen!”

Massage Me, Pretties

I agreed not tell their dirty little secret to anyone on ONE condition: massage me and massage me until I say so.

I, like my eldest-cousin when he was 17, made Omer and Bilal massage my arms, legs and anything else that was massagable. And they did an admirable job too. All the fatigue I had collected from attending 3 tuitions a day (besides going to college) and studying was gone by the time they were finished.

I patted the two on the back for a job well done. And in reward for being truthful as well as for being the inspiration for my next article, I let them watch the entire movie, including the part where Aamir Khan and Kareena Kapoor kiss. :/

Revenge: complete.

A Short Review Of 3 Idiots

“You’d be an idiot if you don’t watch 3 Idiots” – Khusro Mumtaz

True. True. True! But…

… You’ll be an even bigger idiot if you watch it with any one aged less than <age at which you come to know the ‘facts of life’>. Indeed, the child birth scene was rather unnecessary.

Questions

• Have you watched 3 Idiots? How was it?
• Ever caught red-handed watching something you shouldn’t have been watching? Did the catching person make you do anything?
• Have you taken revenge yet?

It might look cute, but it gave me a papercut to the face

Last night, an angel came to me in a dream. I watched it as it gently floated down from the sky towards me. As it got near me, it threw a bunch of pages at my face and went back to the light in the sky.

When I got up, the bunch of pages was still with me; and on it was the most exciting idea for a movie I had ever seen.

Find out about this up and coming record breaking blockbuster by clicking here.

The Setting

The setting is an isolated mansion in the English countryside. There are three people living in the mansion. One is our protagonist, named Ali. One is our heroine, the maid. And the third is Ali’s Father, Junaid.

The Story

Ali and his father live like slobs. Clothes and food litter the floor of every room. They hire a maid to clean up after them. But the maid doesn’t do any work and mostly adds to the mess. Neither Ali nor Junaid apparently care about this.

Junaid is a spy a top ranking spy for the American government. Junaid is important enough that the president and the secretary of defense come to meet him in person. Every Monday, the president brings Junaid top secret government files in a 64 mb flash drive.

This flash drive will self destruct in 10 seconds

Ali is aware of these shady meetings and despises his father for it. Every time the president comes to visit, Ali steals his coat in the hopes of obtaining the top secret flash drive. Ali successfully steals the president’s coat every Monday, though the flash drive is never there.

Near the end of the movie, the house experiences a rodent infestation of epic proportions. It becomes impossible to take a step without squishing three mice in the process. The house becomes a sea of rats. The maid contemplates leaving.

Ali is very upset on hearing this. Cue emotional ending scene. He stops the maid while she is walking out of the kitchen door. Crying, he says to her: “You can’t leave, I love you”. Still in tears, he then takes out his wallet and starts counting 200 rupees in front of the maid. This is double her last pay. She takes this to be a sign of true love.

The maid also bursts into tears and hugs Ali, saying: “I would never leave you. This is the best job I’ve ever had”.

The Climax

Just before the film ends, the camera zooms in on Ali’s eyes. As he looks at the kitchen floor bursting with mice, we hear Ali’s thought: “Do you think I could ever love you? I will make you kill mice”. Ali forgets that the maid never works.

The camera rotates 180 degrees and zooms in on the maids eyes. She smiles evilly: “Do you think I could ever love you? I just want your 200 rupees.”

The movie ends as it starts. With no point whatsoever.

Duckzilla

P.S: I already have multi million dollar offers from Paramount and Buena Vista for the rights to this movie. But I told them that my intellect wasn’t for sale. Not anymore.

Some hollywood types fighting over my script

Star Trek

The U.S.S. Enterprise is alive again!… but in an alternate reality.

J.J. Abrams’ 2009 “Star Trek,” is THE exciting new sci-fi blockbuster in the cinemas for 2009. The movie has scored so fabulously in Pakistan because of the fact that the entire Star Trek universe is cool for anyone, no matter the gender, age or previous knowledge.

Read further into the review, after the jump.

Star Trek features an unknown cast, which has managed to successfully portray the crew of the famous U.S.S. Enterprise. The movie follow the lives of two major characters James T. Kirk ( Chris Pine ) and Spock (Zachary Quinto ). The main baddie is Nero ( Eric Bana ) . Driven by revenge, to make the man responsible pay for destroying his world (in the alternate reality of course ). The man Nero is after is the Spock ( Leonard Nimoy ) from his reality. He destroys Spock home planet Vulcan and thus the story progresses on.

Other Notable character are Dr. Leonard ‘Bones’ McCoy ( Karl Urban, “Pathfinder” ) , Nyota Uhura (Zoe Saldana, “Guess Who”) , Montgomery “Scotty” Scott (Simon Pegg, “Run Fatboy Run”) , Hikaru Sulu (John Cho, “Harold and Kumar”) and Pavel Chekov (Anton Yelchin, “Charlie Bartlett”) .

The new movie in the Star Trek Franchise is not just another movie installment in the long running franchise, rather it’s a prequel. Better yet, it is an “Alternate Reality Prequel”.

A little time travel plot here and a little worm hole there and you have an empty canvas. A whole ensemble of iconic characters to play God with. What more would a writer want.

The movie has brilliant special effects to give it that extra “hurrah”. As it’s an alternate reality, it doesn’t challenge the already extended Star Trek Mythology. At the same time keeps in mind the complexities and the uniqueness that each character had in the original run, so not to offend the diehard fans of the franchise: Trekkies as they are known.

“Star Trek” is a must see. It’s a fun, light and highly entertaining movie for Trekkies and Non-Trekkies alike.