Yesterday, a friend of Omer’s came over to our place. Omer’s my little brother by the way. And let’s just call his friend: Bilal. The two did their usual stuff. Bilal stayed over for the night… doing what they call a ‘sleep over’.
The two decided to watch 3 Idiots, the movie that is currently sweeping the entire subcontinent.
Now, 3 Idiots is a great; nay, a phenomenal movie! It has a message for the youth and it delivers the message really well. And it’s a family movie too! Or at least, it would’ve been had it not been for that god-awful childbirth scene. You knowwww, the scene that raises many a pre-adolescent eye-brows? Yeah, that one!
And here’s the thing: I caught Omer and Bilal just when the child-birth scene was kicking in. ZING!
I’ll be honest here: I let the two watch 3 Idiots just so I could catch them when the child-birth scene came on. I wanted to take revenge after all. A revenge that goes back 7 years. Read on ahead.
Jumpy Mammaries
A certain eldest cousin of mine caught me watching the sleazy intro of a female wrestler (back in the days when it was called WWF). I kept replaying the intro because it was something very new for me. It’s not every day that you, as a 10-year old, get to watch watch jumpy mammaries.
I was 10. Eldest-cousin was 17.
“Hawwwww! Why are you looking at that? (points to jumpy mammaries)”
(shrugs) “Uhhhh… I didn’t do dat”
“Then why are you all sweaty?”
It was winter season btw.
“Garmi hai…?”
“YOU A LIE!”
And so my fate was sealed. Now I either had to obey his orders or risk him telling my mother about me being all kinky-eyed at the jumpy mammaries. :O
Eldest-cousin made me massage his arms, legs and head for a solid 10 minutes in exchange for not telling Mama. Not a very fond memory, mind you.
And it was on that day that I decided I would take revenge one day.
Revenge!!
So yes, back to the Omer and Bilal scene.
I was climbing up the stairs when I heard the characteristic “Ahh! Ahhh! Priya zor lagao! Push push!” sounds that accompany child-birth. They probably heard me coming upstairs. So here’s what they did: Bilal pauses the movie. Omer runs to the bathroom. Locks the door. Bilal comes running towards the stairs and blocks the doorway.
Not today children, not today. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I Dunno
Awais: “What were you two doing?”
Bilal: “Nothing…?”
Awais: “Then why did you try not letting me enter the room?”
Bilal: “(weak laughter) Haha lol mein to mazaak kar raha tha!”
Awais: “What’s that on the screen?”
As luck had it, the movie was paused at that precise moment when the baby comes out of the vajayjay.
Bilal: “I dunno”
Awais: “Then why did you come running to shut the door?”
Bilal: “I dunno”
Awais: “But you said you were joking”
Bilal: “I was joking.”
Awais: “Then why did you say you ‘dunno’?”
Bilal: “…..”
Awais: “Where is Omer? And what is he doing hiding in the toilet? … Come outside Omer!”
(Omer slowly opens the lock. Opens the door and comes out with a sheepish smile.
Omer: “Kia hua hai?”
Awais: “What were you doing in the bathroom?”
Omer: “I dunno”
You can clearly see a pattern here. They were acting like they didn’t know anything. It wasn’t going to work, considering how I had caught them red-handed.
Anyway, once the two knew that their goose was cooked, they admitted to the crime. Here’s what Bilal said:
“Yes. We were watching it. But we don’t even know what was happening! Bas ek moti see lardki thee, us kay paet mein say baby nikal raha tha. Aur wo ajeeb ajeeb see awazein nikal rahee thee! Mein nay ankhein bhee bund kee theeen!”
Massage Me, Pretties
I agreed not tell their dirty little secret to anyone on ONE condition: massage me and massage me until I say so.
I, like my eldest-cousin when he was 17, made Omer and Bilal massage my arms, legs and anything else that was massagable. And they did an admirable job too. All the fatigue I had collected from attending 3 tuitions a day (besides going to college) and studying was gone by the time they were finished.
I patted the two on the back for a job well done. And in reward for being truthful as well as for being the inspiration for my next article, I let them watch the entire movie, including the part where Aamir Khan and Kareena Kapoor kiss. :/
Revenge: complete.
A Short Review Of 3 Idiots
“You’d be an idiot if you don’t watch 3 Idiots” – Khusro Mumtaz
True. True. True! But…
… You’ll be an even bigger idiot if you watch it with any one aged less than <age at which you come to know the ‘facts of life’>. Indeed, the child birth scene was rather unnecessary.
Questions
- Have you watched 3 Idiots? How was it?
- Ever caught red-handed watching something you shouldn’t have been watching? Did the catching person make you do anything?
- Have you taken revenge yet?
