Yesterday, I was rudely interrupted by clashing thoughts when one train of thinking decided to wonder why there were no Worst-Music-of-the-Week shows or Crappiest-Movies-Ever show. And the answer was of course obvious : who’d watch it? We all want the good stuff. We want the greatest hits, the most watch-able movies, the most amazing class acts, the superlative part of everything. But what if there’s not enough of the best of it all to go around? Nobody expects to be just average, do they? How do you pick who gets the worst?
Find out, after the break.
Its all a bit too post-modern for me. So here you go, a list of the five worst books I’ve ever read.
I realize that this is a classic. I also realize that it is utter bullshit and it put me to sleep. On three different occasions, I’ve done my best to try to struggle through it, but I invariably end up throwing it across the room. Completely irrelevant, deliberately foggy and generally irritating. Since I’ve never finished it, I can’t tell you what happens, but I can tell you it sucks. No wonder she only ever wrote one book.
I might just be classically illiterate, but there it is. I am incapable of reading Shakespeare. Although at one point in time, I could recite Juliet’s balcony speech fairly fluently, it was more because of TV than any real interest in being well-read. And of course, like everyone else, I can probably tell you what happens in almost every Shakespeare play. So I can fake it well (thank you, abridged versions).
This one is obviously a no-brainer. I admit, with deep shame and self-loathing, that I have actually read all four books of the series. And wow, what a craptastic waste of time. A self-hating masochistic vampire and a self-hating masochistic mortal girl fall in love with each other and have a half-vampire baby. The girl’s best friend, who is also in love with her and is incidentally a werewolf, falls in love with the baby. What is this? Paedophilia? Do NOT read Twitlight.
I wasted 550 rupees on this book, only to give it away to someone as a birthday present. Worst part : said person spent not even half of that amount on my birthday. Life is unfair, but I’m used to it. Back to the book : I actually did read all of this, and I spent every minute cringing. It may have won literary awards and things and hooha, but honestly, I detested it. The misleading blurb made it sound interesting and noteworthy, but noo. First of all, the plot seemed to consist of random moments in everyone’s life. I kept waiting to find out when they’d finally bring up the ‘lost’ letters and what they had to do with anything in anyone’s life. A complete absence of any discernible storyline and mediocre writing skills characterize this one.
Being a die-hard Harry Potter fan, this just struck me as silly. It seemed to focus on just being as weird as possible and call me stupid, but I couldn’t draw ANY real parallels between the real thing and the parody. It might not actually be a bad book, and a lot of people I know like it a lot, but it didn’t appeal to me at all.
So there it is, then. Five books which you should stay away from. If it were up to me, I’d either burn every copy, or exhibit them in museums as masterpieces of suckiness. So unless masochism is your thing – steer clear. Over and out.