The Set-up

To survive in small towns with very little entertainment and lots of horrible weather you must become extremely social. OR you can become a recluse and while away your time in an AC-ed room.

We here in Pannu Aqil chose option A. Which is good, I guess; we’re not hyper-social or anything just friends with a couple of family’s, go to weekly parties plus my little brother plays football with kids from the cantonment Ev-er-Y DAY!

I lose stamina just thinking about physical exertion. Let me just rest my poor fingers awhile…

Read further by clicking on “Read the rest of this entry!”

Suddenly Mumsy needs to go to Lahore and I’m stuck here responsible for the housekeeping and feeding my little brother (he’s a growing -with a freaky ripped leg muscles-boy). The cleaning guy, Hussain Baksh, comes in at about 9:30AM and I go to sleep at 3AM every night (morning?)

The first day of Mama’s absence went fine, I woke up at 9 got out of the air-conditioned room and into the oven (read: Lounge).

The Dumb Batman

That's what they call Sultan. O_O

Hussain Baksh came, did his thing and left and I’m thinking: “Hah! Jelaibiii, this isn’t so bad” sure it was hot but what self respecting Pakistani isn’t used to the heat? Then came Sultan, he’s our batman. I dont know why they’re called that they aren’t caped detective ninja crusaders. Especially!!! Sultan! The loveliest thing is he cannot speak or understand Urdu. So I manage to half say and half gesture our demands e.g. “Knorr Noodles banao” is: *makes a pot with one hand and stirring motions with the other* All this while he concentrates very hard and then repeats what I say in monotone, like he’s dazed or stunned. And in my head I’m going: “Allah Maafi dey, I HATE him”

We have had a generous contribution of food from friendly aunties due to the absence of mama, you see one of many of Sultan’s talents is that he can’t cook except for omelettes and ready made noodles. But because of the amazing aunties, God bless ‘em, we haven’t had a chance to taste the mess-ordered food and we’ve given up on it altogether. Ahhh the wonderful perks of being a small town socialite.

GARMI!

Getting to the point: Picture the scene; In my orange PJ bottoms and an old shirt, sitting on the floor (better air circulation there when there’s no AC) sweating and generally smelling tangy.

8pm. In come Abu’s two colleagues (generous aunties’ husbands) since I don’t know anyone that well, I smile and wave; awkward salaams are exchanged. In they go to Abu’s study (room right next to the entrance). Food arrives from Generous Aunty Rubina (Palao and 2 burgers). The palao is trollied over to the study.

I enter 15 minutes later to get the phone.

Me: Aap logon ko aur kuch to nahin chahiyay?
Uncle #1: Nahin beta kuch bhi nahin, aapnay shower liya hay?
Me: *grins awkwardly* Ji? Shower?!
Uncle #1: *Confused* Chawal liyayhain?
Me: Oh..hahaha..no uncle I’m full |of tangy-ness|
Uncle #1: ….
Uncle #2: ….
Me: Mein phone ley loon.

Uncle #1 hands over phone. I make a hasty retreat. Enters bathroom and liberally sprays on deodorant. Aaahhh, temporary relief, good enough.

*Situates herself in front of television directly below fan…*

Just another day in Pano.